My first sermon

Many keep a book as their guide to greatness, but not me! I have accepted the toilet paper as my personal savior.

There has been no time where it has left me defenseless. It protects me from all things horrid and crappy.

Where is this so called "bible" when things are down and cramped?
Stowed away in a shelf, where my guide is hanging himself on a roll for many to accept his helping hands.

My deity knows no bounds or limits, he will cast himself into the dirtiest of hands and give his gentle love to share. He will not cast judgement on the unwilling or untrustworthy, he loves all who give him meaning.

This deity shall not cast you into a land of fire and hell, he will send you to your best merchants and purchase his brothers and sisters, for they shall take his place when is is spent.

And so, my fellow wipers and scrubbers, I leave you with the knowledge that there truly is somebody who looks after you.
Let his love and wisdom fly over many a bush and house, leaving his mark upon the world of many.